Keep on trying no matter what

This is as much for myself as for any reader who might be following along on my insane journey as I try to overcome poverty. I still have not reached rich bitch status. Far from that I made 57 cents from all my blogs and websites combined yesterday and lost $69.00 trading forex. It might explain why I’m drinking port straight from the bottle. My forex trading adventure is not going fantastically, but I haven’t given up on it. I intend to see it through until my account is wiped out. Of course it would be wonderful if things could turn around and my account could double and tripple instead of getting wiped out, but for the moment it’s not looking like I will get rich trading forex.

I was going through some depression in the last several days and starting to doubt anything will ever change for me. Some of the conversations I’ve had with myself have centered around the thought that maybe I am not meant to have anything. Right now I am still sleeping on a twin air bed. I’ve slept either on an airbed or on the floor since 2005. It’s gotten to where it’s become the norm, and the idea of a bed seems like wanting or asking for too much. How dare I not be satisfied that at least I have an airbed to sleep on?

Needless to say when you think like that it makes it easier to give up on something like trying to make money and become a “rich bitch”. What kind of ambition is that after all? But then I have to remind myself that I’m not just trying to make money. This is not about being able to live in the lap of luxury. The truth of the matter is that I don’t need material things to feel good about myself and about my life; but I do need that feeling that comes from knowing you accomplished what you set out to achieve. I do need the joy that comes from fulfilling your goals; and I won’t pretend I don’t still dream of being able to travel and see the world, of having the leisure to play tennis with my husband before he becomes too old, of being able to lounge by the pool watching my husband swim laps and being reminded of how I fell in love with him watching him swim in the ocean. And those are just the selfish pleasures about which I fantasize. There is so much that I want to do and I need money in order to do the things I want to do.

So as I sit here breaking my rule about drinking, I remind myself and remind you to keep on trying no matter what. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up on your dreams.

Image Credit: Knight Light