Dear Victoria Beckham you’re a rich and famous woman and I envy you your husband and your million dollar property but you really need to gain some weight

Seriously Victoria, I know you think that women who aren’t as skinny as you criticize you for being too skinny because they’re jealous but I’m telling you, your bones are not enviable. Well, maybe to a wannabe anorexic but that’s about it. You’re very fashionable I’ll give you that. I can see why they call you “Posh”, but you look ghastly weight-wise. Your bones are way too prominent. I was looking at a picture of you and your husband David leaving the Waverly Inn in New York the other night. He was walking ahead of you, of course, holding your hand, and you just looked frail and weak, like it wouldn’t take more than the breath it takes to blow out a lit match to blow you over.

Does David really find you hot naked? I find that hard to imagine. I’m sure he loves you, and because he loves you he looks past your bones the way some husbands look past their wives sagging breasts and cellulite covered butt cheeks; but just because he looks past it and still makes passionate love to you doesn’t mean he finds your bones hot.

Trust me, I understand how easy it can be to become obsessed with being skinny. I’ve been there myself. I know how paranoid you can become about gaining an ounce; how you fear gaining weight the way people might fear contracting a fatal disease with a stigma attached to it. You feel like the world is watching and the minute you gain that ounce the tabloids will go crazy with “Victoria Beckham Getting Fat” headlines. Still, you don’t look good. I mean, you look good in terms of how fashionable and stylish you are and how nicely your clothes fit you; but when you leave the bones hanging out where people can see just how skinny you are it’s not a pretty sight.

I guess at the end of the day most women would prefer to have your problem anyway so we can criticize you all we want. You know and we know that we’d all trade being compared to a toothpick to being compared to a heifer any day; and on top of that we want your husband and your million dollar homes. So of course we’re jealous. Who are we trying to kid?

Victoria Beckham’s collar bones

Image: Tawny Kate-aen