Conspiracy

Do you ever feel like God hates you and does everything he can to make life hard for you? I don’t believe in God really, but sometimes when things are happening that just don’t seem warranted or in any way justifiable, I find myself cursing God. I don’t how come I curse God, in whom I don’t even believe, and not the devil, in whom I don’t believe either; but I curse God. I use expletives as I tell him where to go and what to do with himself. And while doing it I’m convinced he’s intentionally making life hard for me. I like to ask him what lesson he thinks he needs to teach me still, because he’s been teaching me lessons my whole damn life. When might he be finally satisfied? When I stop fighting back? When I finally curl into a little ball and accept defeat?