You deserve that 10 bedroom mansion

I used to fantasize about owning a 10-bedroom mansion, but somewhere along the way I stopped believing it was possible for me to own any house at all, much less the 10 bedroom mansion of my wildest dreams. It might have started back in 2003 when I couldn’t even qualify for a double-wide mobile home. At the time I honestly wasn’t aware of the stigma associated with mobile homes. Once I became aware that people regard mobile homes to be associated with the poorest of the poor, and the lowest of the low, I was rather embarrassed that I had considered living in one to begin with. I was relieved that my poor credit had saved me from further reducing my worth in the eyes of the world; but it began to dawn on me then just how little I really was worth in the eyes of the world.

Since that time I haven’t fantasized much about that 10-bedroom mansion because it has seemed too far out of my reach.

The other day I caught myself thinking about my life and thinking to myself that I’m lucky to be living in a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment in a so-called gated community; but as I thought some more about it, I realized the it’s completely ridiculous that I should think I’m lucky to be paying $930 per month ($945 starting in September) to live in a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment in a so-called gated community.

$930 is a fair amount of money. I’ve been paying over $900 per month for rent for 2 years, at least $880 for 4 years. I have never paid laid once. Surely I could be paying what I’m paying for rent in mortgage towards the ownership of a home. It wouldn’t be the 10-bedroom mansion, but it would be a home I would be in a position to own. It would be mine.

But I’ve taken around an attitude with me that I don’t deserve other than what I’ve gotten in life, which has generally been the short end of the stick, and that attitude has caused me to stop wanting much of anything. I’ve programmed myself to believe that I’m not worthy of anything; that I have nothing to offer the world.

I guess if you believe in the so-called law of attraction, I’ve asked for the universe to only bring into my life people and circumstances that help to reinforce this believe that I’m worthless and deserve nothing.

Well, I’ve decided today that I’m going to reprogram myself, this time to believe I deserve that 10-bedroom mansion, and I’m going to ask the universe to bring into my life people and circumstances that can help reinforce the belief that I’m worth having a 10-bedroom mansion. I deserve everything my heart desires.

So here’s what I’m telling myself as we speak:

The rest of the world doesn’t get to decide what you’re worth and what you deserve. Your sister who thinks she’s better than you isn’t better than you because she thinks she is. Pull yourself together. Look at yourself. Are you kidding? Why in the world would you think other people deserve to have the things they want in life but you don’t? Stop thinking that way right now because that’s the reason you’re struggling in life, because you think you deserve to struggle. What you deserve is to have a bountiful life filled with rich and wonderful experiences. And it’s time for you to stop doubting yourself and feeling sorry for yourself, being lazy, being afraid and taking the easy way out just to avoid having people call you a bitch for demanding what you want from life or taking it by force if necessary.

Photo by Infrogmation